What other 3 letter word can illicit the same emotions as 'fat'? It is how I define myself. Not smartor pretty or friendly, but fat. I'm not big boned or chubby or portly. I'm simply fat. And frankly, I'm sick of it.
I was about 6 years old when I started gaining weight as a child. I'm not sure why other than my mom and I were both emotional eaters and since it was just the two of us it's all I ever knew. Being the fat kid growing up sucks big time. I wasn't active in sports and therefore didn't do well at them. I was always the last to be picked for teams. I continued this way until I was 15 and suddenly grew a few inches. I was all of a sudden thinner and had more confidence even though I still thought of myself as fat.
Life went on and I remained a decent weight until after my first child was born. I was 21 and ate like I had all through high school. Except my body wasn't burning those calories the same way anymore. I steadily gained weight throughout the following years until I hit 200lbs in 1999. I was shocked and dismayed but not enough to change my ways. I'd never been very active and had even less time to exercise doing daycare 10 hours a day and taking care of my child.
Add 8 years and two more children and here I am in essentially the same spot. 212lbs. I was diagnosed with high cholesterol and triglycerides last fall. I tried medications, altered my diet and started exercising. I even lost 8 lbs. Then my FIL died in January and I couldn't seem to consume enough food. And I'm not talking healthy food. Chocolate, baked goods, ice cream......everything my heart desired.
I'm paying for it now with tight shorts and shirts and disgust with myself. So I'm starting this blog to keep myself accountable for my food intake and exercise amounts. I'm still debating joining WW. It's a lot of money but our insurance refunds part of it. I need to believe my health is worth it.
If you've actually read this and want to commiserate, cheer me on or tell me to 'go to hell fat pig'......go right ahead. I'm a 'big' girl....I can take it. ;)
